couturierer:

if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge

michaelpalin:

a plus-side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and i will not judge you because i will also be in my pajamas

astreetcarnamedthetardis:

the best moment in literary history is by far the time in the odyssey when odysseus and his bros stab polyphemus the cyclops in his eye but he thinks odysseus’ name is “no one” so he thrashes about the cave screaming “NO ONE BLINDED ME!!!” and the other cyclopes are like “oh my god polyphemus SHUT UP”